i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
