i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
