They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
