Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
