I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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