just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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