i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
