addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
