My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
