Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Couch. On fire.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
