I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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