you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
