just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
