If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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