dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
