my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
