Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
