dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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