I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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