So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
