my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
