I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
