Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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