The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
