There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
