Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize