i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
