I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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