i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
