1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
