I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
