Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
