Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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