Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
