Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
