Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
