Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
