Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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