She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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