i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
