sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
