I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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