I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
