About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
