i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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