Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
