i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
