I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
