she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
