Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
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I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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