I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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