So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
