i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
