Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
