Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
