Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
