she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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