I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You need a sexual gate keeper
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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