Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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