vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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