I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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