your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
