Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
