OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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