after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
