help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
