i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
