It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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