i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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