so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
