Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
