she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Mom said you looked used
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
